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  你们不知道什么是爱
(听查尔斯·布可夫斯基一夕谈)


雷蒙德·卡佛 著
孙仲旭 译


你们不知道什么是爱布可夫斯基说
我五十一岁了看看我
我爱着一个小娘儿们
我发过脾气不过她也挂断过我电话
所以没关系的老兄就应该是这样
我进入她们的血液她们没法把我弄出来

她们千方百计想离开我
可是最后全都会回来
她们全都回到我身边,除了
我甩掉的那个
我为那个哭过
可是当时我动不动就哭
别让我喝起烈酒老兄
我会变得招人厌
跟你们这些嬉皮士
我可以整夜坐在这里喝啤酒
这种啤酒我能喝十夸脱
一点事都没有它跟水一样
可是让我喝上烈酒嘛
我就会开始把人扔出窗户
谁我都会扔出窗户
我干过
可是你们不知道什么是爱
你们不知道因为你们从来
没有爱过就那么简单
我有这么一个小娘儿们知道吧她长得漂亮
她叫我布可夫斯基
布可夫斯基她细声细气地说
我说干吗
可是你们不知道什么是爱
我告诉你们是什么
可是你们没在听
这屋里你们没有一个人
能认得出爱就算它凑上来
干你们的屁股
以前我觉得诗歌朗诵会就是逃避
看我五十一岁了我见过世面
我知道那是逃避
可是我跟自己说布可夫斯基
挨饿甚至是更大的逃避
所以你们瞧什么都是该怎样不怎样
那人叫什么来着戈尔韦·金内尔
我在杂志上看过他的照片
他小脸儿长得挺帅
可他是个教师
天哪你们能想象吗
可是话说回来你们也是教师
哎我已经在冒犯你们了
不我从来没有听说过他

还有他我也没听说过
他们全是白蚁
也许是因为自负我不怎么读东西了
可是就凭五六本书
混出点名气的这些人
白蚁
布可夫斯基她说
你干吗整天听古典音乐
你难道听不到她说
布可夫斯基你干吗整天听古典音乐
这让你们感到吃惊对不对
你们不会想着这样一个粗俗的混蛋
竟然会整天听古典音乐
勃拉姆斯拉赫曼尼诺夫巴托克泰勒曼
妈的我在这儿没法写作
这儿太安静了树木太多
我喜欢在城市里那儿适合我
我每天上午都放我的古典音乐
然后坐到打字机前
我点着一根雪茄像这样抽看到了吗
我说布可夫斯基你是个幸运儿
布可夫斯基你什么都熬过来了
你是个幸运儿
蓝色烟雾飘过桌子
我望向窗外看到德朗普里大道
看到人行道上人来人往
我像这样抽着雪茄
然后像这样把雪茄放到烟灰缸上
做次深呼吸
就开始写作
布可夫斯基这就是生活我说
没钱挺好长痔疮也挺好
恋爱挺好
可是你们不知道这是什么感觉
你们不知道恋爱是什么感觉
要是你们能见到她,就知道我指的是什么
她以为我来这儿跟人上床
她就是知道
她跟我说她知道
妈的我五十一岁了她二十五岁
我们相爱她喜欢吃醋
天哪这真美妙
她说我要是来这儿跟人上床,她会把我眼睛抠出来
哎跟你们说的就是这种爱
你们又有谁对它了解什么
我跟你们说吧
我在监狱里遇到过一些人
比在大学里混的
和参加诗歌朗诵会的人更有风度
他们是寄生虫来看
诗人的袜子是不是脏的
要么是不是他胳肢窝有臭味
相信我吧我不会让他们失望
可是我想让你们记住这一点
今天晚上这个房间里只有一位诗人
今天晚上这个城市里只有一位诗人
也许今天晚上这个国家只有一位真正的诗人
那就是我
你们有谁对生活了解多少
你们有谁对不管什么了解多少
你们这儿有谁干活给炒掉过
要么揍过你们的娘儿们
要么挨过你们的娘儿们揍
我给西尔斯·罗巴克公司炒掉过五次
他们炒掉我然后又请回我
我三十五岁的时候给他们当理货勤杂工
后来因为偷饼干给开掉了
我知道那是什么感觉因为我经历过
我五十一岁了我在恋受
这个小娘儿们她说

布可夫斯基
我说干吗她说
我觉得你满口胡言
我说宝贝你理解我
世界上男的女的
就她一个娘儿们
我能容忍她这么跟我说话
可是你们不知道什么是爱
她们最后全都回到我身边
她们每个人都回来了
除了我跟你们说过的那个
我甩掉的那个
我们在一起过了七年
我们经常喝很多酒
我看到这间屋里有几个打字员可是
看不到什么诗人
我可没感到吃惊
你们得恋爱过才能写诗
你们不知道恋爱是什么
那是你们的问题
给我倒点那玩意儿
对了不加冰好的
好的那样就挺好
我们开始演出吧
我知道我说过什么不过我只喝一杯
味道挺好
那好吧我们把这档事儿弄完吧
只是过后都别站在
开着的窗户旁边
注:查尔斯·布可夫斯基(Charles Bukowski,1920–1994),美国诗人、小说家。
        You Don't Know What Love Is
  
  (an evening with Charles Bukowski)
  
  
  You don't know what love is Bukowski said
  I'm 51 years old look at me
  I'm in love with this young broad
  I got it bad but she's hung up too
  so it's all right man that's the way it should be
  I get in their blood and they can't get me out
  They try everything to get away from me
  but they all come back in the end
  They all came back to me except
  the one I planted
  I cried over that one
  but I cried easy in those days
  Don't let me get onto the hard stuff man
  I get mean then
  I could sit here and drink beer
  with you hippies all night
  I could drink ten quarts of this beer
  and nothing it's like water
  But let me get onto the hard stuff
  and I'll start throwing people out windows
  I'll throw anybody out the window
  I've done it
  But you don't know what love is
  You don't know because you've never
  been in love it's that simple
  I got this young broad see she's beautiful
  She calls me Bukowski
  Bukowski she says in this little voice
  and I say What
  But you don't know what love is
  I'm telling you what it is
  but you aren't listening
  There isn't one of you in this room
  would recognize love if it stepped up
  and buggered you in the ass
  I used to think poetry readings were a copout
  Look I'm 51 years old and I've been around
  I know they're a copout
  but I said to myself Bukowski
  starving is even more of a copout
  So there you are and nothing is like it should be
  That fellow what his name Galway Kinnell
  I saw his picture in a magazine
  He has a handsome mug on him
  but he's a teacher
  Christ can you imagine
  But then you're teachers too
  here I am insulting you already
  No I haven't heard of him
  or him either
  They're all termites
  Maybe it's ego I don't read much anymore
  but these people who build
  reputations on five or six books
  termites
  Bukowski she says
  Why do you listen to classical music all day
  Can't you hear her saying that
  Bukowski why do you listen to classical music all day
  That surprises you doesn't it
  You wouldn't think a crude bastard like me
  could listen to classical music all day
  Brahms Rachmaninoff Bartok Telemann
  Shit I couldn't write up here
  Too quiet up here too many trees
  I like the city that's the place for me
  I put on my classical music each morning
  and sit down in front of my typewriter
  I light a cigar and I smoke it like this see
  and I say Bukowski you're a lucky man
  Bukowski you've gone through it all
  and you're a lucky man
  and the blue smoke drift across the table
  and I look out the window onto Delongpre Avenue
  and I see people walking up and down the sidewalk
  and I puff on the cigar like this
  and then I lay the cigar in the ashtray like this
  and take a deep breath
  and I begin to write
  Bukowski this is the life I say
  it's good to be poor it's good to have hemorrhoids
  it's good to be in love
  But you don't know what it's like
  You don't know what it's like to be in love
  If you could see her you'd know what I mean
  She thought I'd come up here and get laid
  She just knew it
  She told me she knew it
  Shit I'm 51 years old and she's 25
  and we're in love and she's jealous
  Jesus it's beautiful
  she said she'd claw my eyes out if I came up here and got laid
  Now that's love for you
  What do any of you know about it
  Let me tell you something
  I've met men in jail who had more style
  than the people who hang around colleges
  and go to poetry readings
  They're bloodsuckers who come to see
  If the poet's socks are dirty
  or if he smells under the arms
  Believe me I won't disappoint em
  But I want you to remember this
  there's only one poet in this room tonight
  only one poet in this town tonight
  maybe only one real poet in this country tonight
  and that's me
  What do any of you know about life
  What do any of you know about anything
  Which of you here has been fired from a job
  or else has beaten up your broad
  or else has been beaten up by your broad
  I was fired from Sears and Roebuck five times
  They'd fire me then hire me back again
  I was a stockboy for them when I was 35
  and then got canned for stealing cookies
  I know what's it like I've been there
  I'm 51 years old now and I'm in love
  This little broad she says
  Bukowski
  and I say What and she says
  I think you're full of shit
  and I say baby you understand me
  She the only broad in the world
  man or woman
  I'd take that from
  But you don't know what love is
  They all came back to me in the end too
  every one of em came back
  except that one I told you about
  the one I planted
  We were together seven years
  We used to drink a lot
  I see a couple of typers in this room but
  I don't see any poets
  I'm not surprised
  You have to have been in love to write poetry
  and you don't know what it is to be in love
  that's your trouble
  Give me some of that stuff
  That's right no ice good
  That's good that's just fine
  So let's get this show on the road
  I know what I said but I'll have just one
  That tastes good
  Okay then let's go let's get this over with
  only afterwards don't anyone stand close
  to an open window

 

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