雷蒙德·卡佛 著
孙仲旭 译

你们不知道什么是爱布可夫斯基说
我五十一岁了看看我
我爱着一个小娘儿们
我发过脾气不过她也挂断过我电话
所以没关系的老兄就应该是这样
我进入她们的血液她们没法把我弄出来

她们千方百计想离开我
可是最后全都会回来
她们全都回到我身边，除了
我甩掉的那个
我为那个哭过
可是当时我动不动就哭
别让我喝起烈酒老兄
我会变得招人厌
跟你们这些嬉皮士
我可以整夜坐在这里喝啤酒
这种啤酒我能喝十夸脱
一点事都没有它跟水一样
可是让我喝上烈酒嘛
我就会开始把人扔出窗户
谁我都会扔出窗户
我干过
可是你们不知道什么是爱
你们不知道因为你们从来
没有爱过就那么简单
我有这么一个小娘儿们知道吧她长得漂亮
她叫我布可夫斯基
布可夫斯基她细声细气地说
我说干吗
可是你们不知道什么是爱
我告诉你们是什么
可是你们没在听
这屋里你们没有一个人
能认得出爱就算它凑上来
干你们的屁股
以前我觉得诗歌朗诵会就是逃避
看我五十一岁了我见过世面
我知道那是逃避
可是我跟自己说布可夫斯基
挨饿甚至是更大的逃避
所以你们瞧什么都是该怎样不怎样
那人叫什么来着戈尔韦·金内尔
我在杂志上看过他的照片
他小脸儿长得挺帅
可他是个教师
天哪你们能想象吗
可是话说回来你们也是教师
哎我已经在冒犯你们了
不我从来没有听说过他

还有他我也没听说过
他们全是白蚁
也许是因为自负我不怎么读东西了
可是就凭五六本书
混出点名气的这些人
白蚁
布可夫斯基她说
你干吗整天听古典音乐
你难道听不到她说
布可夫斯基你干吗整天听古典音乐
这让你们感到吃惊对不对
你们不会想着这样一个粗俗的混蛋
竟然会整天听古典音乐
勃拉姆斯拉赫曼尼诺夫巴托克泰勒曼
妈的我在这儿没法写作
这儿太安静了树木太多
我喜欢在城市里那儿适合我
我每天上午都放我的古典音乐
然后坐到打字机前
我点着一根雪茄像这样抽看到了吗
我说布可夫斯基你是个幸运儿
布可夫斯基你什么都熬过来了
你是个幸运儿
蓝色烟雾飘过桌子
我望向窗外看到德朗普里大道
看到人行道上人来人往
我像这样抽着雪茄
然后像这样把雪茄放到烟灰缸上
做次深呼吸
就开始写作
布可夫斯基这就是生活我说
没钱挺好长痔疮也挺好
恋爱挺好
可是你们不知道这是什么感觉
你们不知道恋爱是什么感觉
要是你们能见到她，就知道我指的是什么
她以为我来这儿跟人上床
她就是知道
她跟我说她知道
妈的我五十一岁了她二十五岁
我们相爱她喜欢吃醋
天哪这真美妙
她说我要是来这儿跟人上床，她会把我眼睛抠出来
哎跟你们说的就是这种爱
你们又有谁对它了解什么
我跟你们说吧
我在监狱里遇到过一些人
比在大学里混的
和参加诗歌朗诵会的人更有风度
他们是寄生虫来看
诗人的袜子是不是脏的
要么是不是他胳肢窝有臭味
相信我吧我不会让他们失望
可是我想让你们记住这一点
今天晚上这个房间里只有一位诗人
今天晚上这个城市里只有一位诗人
也许今天晚上这个国家只有一位真正的诗人
那就是我
你们有谁对生活了解多少
你们有谁对不管什么了解多少
你们这儿有谁干活给炒掉过
要么揍过你们的娘儿们
要么挨过你们的娘儿们揍
我给西尔斯·罗巴克公司炒掉过五次
他们炒掉我然后又请回我
我三十五岁的时候给他们当理货勤杂工
后来因为偷饼干给开掉了
我知道那是什么感觉因为我经历过
我五十一岁了我在恋受
这个小娘儿们她说

布可夫斯基
我说干吗她说
我觉得你满口胡言
我说宝贝你理解我
世界上男的女的
就她一个娘儿们
我能容忍她这么跟我说话
可是你们不知道什么是爱
她们最后全都回到我身边
她们每个人都回来了
除了我跟你们说过的那个
我甩掉的那个
我们在一起过了七年
我们经常喝很多酒
我看到这间屋里有几个打字员可是
看不到什么诗人
我可没感到吃惊
你们得恋爱过才能写诗
你们不知道恋爱是什么
那是你们的问题
给我倒点那玩意儿
对了不加冰好的
好的那样就挺好
我们开始演出吧
我知道我说过什么不过我只喝一杯
味道挺好
那好吧我们把这档事儿弄完吧
只是过后都别站在
开着的窗户旁边
注：查尔斯·布可夫斯基（Charles Bukowski，1920–1994），美国诗人、小说家。
        You Don't Know What Love Is
　　
　　(an evening with Charles Bukowski)
　　
　　
　　You don't know what love is Bukowski said
　　I'm 51 years old look at me
　　I'm in love with this young broad
　　I got it bad but she's hung up too
　　so it's all right man that's the way it should be
　　I get in their blood and they can't get me out
　　They try everything to get away from me
　　but they all come back in the end
　　They all came back to me except
　　the one I planted
　　I cried over that one
　　but I cried easy in those days
　　Don't let me get onto the hard stuff man
　　I get mean then
　　I could sit here and drink beer
　　with you hippies all night
　　I could drink ten quarts of this beer
　　and nothing it's like water
　　But let me get onto the hard stuff
　　and I'll start throwing people out windows
　　I'll throw anybody out the window
　　I've done it
　　But you don't know what love is
　　You don't know because you've never
　　been in love it's that simple
　　I got this young broad see she's beautiful
　　She calls me Bukowski
　　Bukowski she says in this little voice
　　and I say What
　　But you don't know what love is
　　I'm telling you what it is
　　but you aren't listening
　　There isn't one of you in this room
　　would recognize love if it stepped up
　　and buggered you in the ass
　　I used to think poetry readings were a copout
　　Look I'm 51 years old and I've been around
　　I know they're a copout
　　but I said to myself Bukowski
　　starving is even more of a copout
　　So there you are and nothing is like it should be
　　That fellow what his name Galway Kinnell
　　I saw his picture in a magazine
　　He has a handsome mug on him
　　but he's a teacher
　　Christ can you imagine
　　But then you're teachers too
　　here I am insulting you already
　　No I haven't heard of him
　　or him either
　　They're all termites
　　Maybe it's ego I don't read much anymore
　　but these people who build
　　reputations on five or six books
　　termites
　　Bukowski she says
　　Why do you listen to classical music all day
　　Can't you hear her saying that
　　Bukowski why do you listen to classical music all day
　　That surprises you doesn't it
　　You wouldn't think a crude bastard like me
　　could listen to classical music all day
　　Brahms Rachmaninoff Bartok Telemann
　　Shit I couldn't write up here
　　Too quiet up here too many trees
　　I like the city that's the place for me
　　I put on my classical music each morning
　　and sit down in front of my typewriter
　　I light a cigar and I smoke it like this see
　　and I say Bukowski you're a lucky man
　　Bukowski you've gone through it all
　　and you're a lucky man
　　and the blue smoke drift across the table
　　and I look out the window onto Delongpre Avenue
　　and I see people walking up and down the sidewalk
　　and I puff on the cigar like this
　　and then I lay the cigar in the ashtray like this
　　and take a deep breath
　　and I begin to write
　　Bukowski this is the life I say
　　it's good to be poor it's good to have hemorrhoids
　　it's good to be in love
　　But you don't know what it's like
　　You don't know what it's like to be in love
　　If you could see her you'd know what I mean
　　She thought I'd come up here and get laid
　　She just knew it
　　She told me she knew it
　　Shit I'm 51 years old and she's 25
　　and we're in love and she's jealous
　　Jesus it's beautiful
　　she said she'd claw my eyes out if I came up here and got laid
　　Now that's love for you
　　What do any of you know about it
　　Let me tell you something
　　I've met men in jail who had more style
　　than the people who hang around colleges
　　and go to poetry readings
　　They're bloodsuckers who come to see
　　If the poet's socks are dirty
　　or if he smells under the arms
　　Believe me I won't disappoint em
　　But I want you to remember this
　　there's only one poet in this room tonight
　　only one poet in this town tonight
　　maybe only one real poet in this country tonight
　　and that's me
　　What do any of you know about life
　　What do any of you know about anything
　　Which of you here has been fired from a job
　　or else has beaten up your broad
　　or else has been beaten up by your broad
　　I was fired from Sears and Roebuck five times
　　They'd fire me then hire me back again
　　I was a stockboy for them when I was 35
　　and then got canned for stealing cookies
　　I know what's it like I've been there
　　I'm 51 years old now and I'm in love
　　This little broad she says
　　Bukowski
　　and I say What and she says
　　I think you're full of shit
　　and I say baby you understand me
　　She the only broad in the world
　　man or woman
　　I'd take that from
　　But you don't know what love is
　　They all came back to me in the end too
　　every one of em came back
　　except that one I told you about
　　the one I planted
　　We were together seven years
　　We used to drink a lot
　　I see a couple of typers in this room but
　　I don't see any poets
　　I'm not surprised
　　You have to have been in love to write poetry
　　and you don't know what it is to be in love
　　that's your trouble
　　Give me some of that stuff
　　That's right no ice good
　　That's good that's just fine
　　So let's get this show on the road
　　I know what I said but I'll have just one
　　That tastes good
　　Okay then let's go let's get this over with
　　only afterwards don't anyone stand close
　　to an open window